Hey hun… Stay for a bit, would you?
…
Well this is really important~
Surely it’ll be fine if you’re a little late to your next class~
See, it doesn’t take much convincing when your graduation is on the line~
Or am I just your favorite teacher, hm~?
Anyway dear, I’ve been wanting to speak with you about something that I’ve been noticing in… All of your essays…
Surely you’ve noticed your grade probably isn’t quite where you’d like it to be… No…
Well, there are a few reasons…
Your lackadaisical arguments and the way you string your thoughts together are… Well, a prime example of academic stultiloquence…
But the real offender is your abysmal, quotidian struggle with your spelling… No matter how many notes I leave on your assignments… And I wanted to check in with you… I think… You may need some more… Direct help?
It’s just… Quite hard to get through your writing, and that’s a big problem dear… I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, it’s just my job to help you succeed… And at the moment, it’s a bit hard to take you seriously
I’m sorry… I shouldn’t laugh
Sorry…
But if you would like some extra help, I think you could benefit from additional spelling lessons
I assure you, the goal of this conversation was not to bring you down, but to build you up~
I’m here to help you
And if there’s… Anything… Anything you need at all… I’m here for you~
Oh, good, I’m very glad that you’re taking your studies seriously
This issue needs to be addressed as soon as possible
Let’s have our first lesson now, hm~?
It’ll be quick~… And this is probably the best use of your time right now~
Unless… You’re fine with failing my class…?
Mmm, that’s what I thought~
Let’s get started, shall we~?
I’m going to ask you to spell some words for me… Like a little spelling bee~
Don’t worry, I’m only going to use words that you used in your own papers… Albeit… Incorrectly… But I’ll start easy, okay~?
The first glaring example is from your most recent research paper… On, what was it… “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”… Staring at that word all throughout, you could have even copy & pasted it… And you still spelled it wrong…
I don’t know why you always elect to focus on matters that are clearly out of your range of understanding… Are you trying to impress someone~?
Sweetie – You can’t expect anyone to trust your arguments if you can’t even spell the subject at the center correctly….
So go ahead
Spell it for me
“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”
Sound it out, it’s pretty straightforward
Come on, “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”
Just say the letters to me, spell it out loud… I can follow along~
Yes~! P… Mhm… Go on…
No…. That’s not correct…
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is spelled “P-N-E-U-M-O-N-O-U-L-T-R-A-M-I-C-R-O-S-C-O-P-I-C-S-I-L-I-C-O-V-O-L-C-A-N-O-C-O-N-I-O-S-I-S”
Should be pretty obvious for you…
Or perhaps your memory is the problem….
How about the word “vicissitude”?
Sometimes you spelled it right, and sometimes you spelled it wrong… I honestly would have preferred if you were at least consistent one way or the other~..
“Vi-cissitude”
It’s a fairly common word, everyone at your educational level should be able to spell this one~
Give it a shot~…. I, um… I believe in you…
Spell it for me~
The worst you can do is spell it wrong~
And when, um, if you do, that’s what I’m here for… To help you~
Oh Drop the act, honey, I know you can do better than that~
Are you failing my class on purpose to receive special attention from me~?
Well, you’ve got it~
I just haven’t seen any students struggle as much as you do… With something so elementary…
I’m really not trying to offend, I’m just trying to get a grasp on your baseline ability~
“Vicissitude” is spelled “V-I-C-I-S-S-I-T-U-D-E”
Okay, we need to go down to even simpler basics, it seems
I hope this little lesson won’t bore you… But it is very important for your success~
One thing I’ve noticed in your writing is that you don’t seem to understand the difference between “there”, “their”, and “they’re”
Oh, you seem more confident than you should be…
Maybe that’s the issue
Maybe you don’t give your genuine attention and effort because you think you’re smarter than you actually are~
Maybe you need to be humbled a little~
Tell me… When you watch my lips from shapes as I speak, do you notice their little creases?
And how do you spell that? Which “their” did I use in that sentence there?
Watch my lips and their creases… And spell “their” with me~
“T-H-E-I-R”…. Because the creases sort of… Belong to my lips~… A part of them~
And tell me… When I point down… There… At my necklace… How do you spell that~?
No, not “necklace” pay attention~
Spell “there” with me~
“T-H-E-R-E”… Because I am referencing to my necklace’s position~
There, there… Just keep looking there… Keep your eyes on my necklace now…
You do seem to look at it a lot during my lectures… Sometimes I think you’re looking at my chest~… I can always feel your apocryphal, unsubtly misplaced attention~
Please do place your attention on my words this time~… If you want to show me that you’re serious about learning~
I know that when I… Lean forward… Leaning over onto your desk… My necklace dangles in front of my chest… The tear-DROP pendant twirls… And the reflective silver twinkles in the light… And I acknowledge that it is quite eye-catching… So when I return to an upright position… And my necklace gets caught in between my cleavage… It’s only natural for some glances to get caught, too~
Do you think they’re too exposed~? Are you paying attention? I asked you a question~
Do you think they’re too exposed?
Would you be able to learn better if I covered my body… My breasts… With more modest clothing~?
Do you think they’re too exposed?
Or maybe I need to eliminate the mystery of them altogether for you, to help you get them out of your head~
Do you waste precious learning time looking at them and wondering what they might look like underneath my clothes?
Do you get lost in thought… Wondering what shape they are~? Do you think they’re…. Round~? Do you think they’re… Soft and squishy~? Maybe a little more on the firm side~? Do you wonder what size and color my nipples are~? Or do you just think they’re a nice resting place for this necklace that you stare at every day….
Those are some examples of the word, “they’re”, used in a sentence, that I want you to spell with me now~
Plenty of examples to piece together which “they’re” I’ve been using~
Spell it with me~….
“T-H-E-Y-’-R-E….”… Because in all of my examples, it’s a shortened form of “they are”~
Now, I don’t want to waste too much time on such rudimentary premises, but let me just give you a few more examples~
And keep your gaze fixed on my necklace, sweetie~
And in regards to my breasts again… When I say… “Their smooth, freckled canvas curves and folds into itself, distracting and attracting the eyes of many who do not have the mental capacity to take responsibility to learn”, Which “their” started that sentence~?
“T-H-E-I-R”
And when I say… “They’re smooth, a freckled canvas that curves and folds into itself, distracting and attracting the eyes of many who do not have the mental capacity to take responsibility to learn”, Which “they’re” began that sentence~?
“T-H-E-Y-’-R-E”
You seem a bit distracted~…
We’re going to try a little exercise, okay~?
I want you to close your eyes… And imagine every word I say to you, displayed in your mind’s eye~
This should help you visualize and concentrate on my words without getting so distracted~
Focus on my words… And think about how they look… How they’re spelled…
Like I am projecting them onto the insides of your eyelids
Become familiar… One with my words and all of the letters within them
Picture every single one
Prove yourself to be more than a simple pococurante
It’s not too late to mend my perception of you… And your grade~
It saddens me to see my students make such facile presumptions of the importance of comprehensible speech with jejune judgment, so you won’t do that anymore, right~?
Oh, forgive my floccinaucinihilipilification~… You know I mean what I say with the sincerest intentions~
How about you focus on trying to figure out how that’s spelled for a moment~
“Floccinaucinihilipilification”~
Spell that out in your head, and keep going, even as I speak~
And while you do that, keep track of how many “i’s” there are in “floccinaucinihilipilification”~
At least try it for me~
Consider it a special assignment~
Prove yourself to be more than a simple pococurante
And in the meantime, my words will be lost on you, just like they are during class… Should be quite easy for you~
Dazing off in distraction… Mind always occupied by things that aren’t my words
Which are here to help you
To strengthen your knowledge and understanding of the worlds around you
But if that’s too much to ask of you… Then tune them out~
Shift your attention away from your surroundings and let yourself become as mindless as you always seem to be in my class~
I’m curious how long it’ll take you to even attempt to spell “floccinaucinihilipilification”… Did you get too comfortable with me spelling out the other words with you~?
Do you need me to spell it out for you~?
Maybe you’re just not destined to learn anything for yourself~
Maybe your skill lies in following directions… Having your hands held and encouraged to lean into distraction~
To take everything… Every word I give you on a silver spoon… Like a good little student~
Perhaps you need to be manually molded by me in order to live up to your full potential~
Do you want to keep trying to be a good, normal student and see if you can figure out how to spell it yourself~? Do you think you CAN~? Do you really~?
Well, in a real Spelling Bee, you can request a definition… If you recognize the roots.. The suffixes and prefixes of a word, if can help you figure out how to spell it~
Would you like the definition of “floccinaucinihilipilification”~?
The word I used when describing my own judgment of you~?
I can also use it in a sentence~… Like how I speak to you with with a tone of floccinaucinihilipilification~
Do you still want that definition~?
Hmmm, alright~
“Floccinaucinihilipilification” is the action or habit of estimating something as worthless~
I mean that as neutrally as possible, of course~
It’s not a bad thing, it’s just how you are~
Can’t focus… Can’t ward off distraction… Can’t think… Not for yourself… Can’t spell simple words~…
In fact, maybe it’s a good thing~
You’ve sunken down past the point of being able to pass my class… And you can’t graduate without these credits~… You know what that means~?
It means you’ll need to retake my class~
Another semester… Of learning valuable lessons~… Another semester… Of special attention~…. Another semester… Of being enabled to be as dumb as you want~
Another semester of being distracted by my lovely necklace~
Maybe a part of you doesn’t want to graduate~… Doesn’t want the responsibility of the real world… Of thinking for yourself~
Wouldn’t you much rather be dumb and distracted~?
Giving me all of your attention~? Year after year after year~?
I can do all of the thinking for you~
That’s what teachers are for~
To know the answers to all of your questions and curiosities~… You can always come to me for anything hun~…
For everything~
If there’s ever… Anything… You want to learn more about… I can show you~
All you have to do is come with an open mind… And I can show you anything… Without you having to think too hard for yourself~
In fact, there’s no need to retain any of your knowledge~… In my experience, your unintelligible thoughts are quite useless~
Oh, speaking of which~ … “floccinaucinihilipilification”… Is spelled… “F-L-O-C-C… Or do you think maybe it’s an “X”~? …-I-N-A-U-… Or “O”~? What do you think~? Mmmm, you don’t think~ … C-I-N-I-H-I-… Or maybe “A”~? You wouldn’t know the difference~… L-I-P-I-L-I-F-I-C-A-T-I-O-N”~… And that’s nine “i’s”~
You can take my word for it~
I know best~
Better than you ever will, at this rate~…
Let go of everything you think you know~… You’re beyond help~… Unless we revert you back to a clean slate~
Drop~ Everything you think you know, hun~…
See my words in your head… Forget how to spell them~… They’re just noises~…. Lovely, melodic noises… With jumbled, nonsensical symbols… No need to worry about making any sense of them~… I’ll do that for you~
Let’s spell a few more words~
Don’t worry, I’ll slip the letters into your mouth, dear~… I’ll give you all of the correct answers~… All of the answers that will allow you to succeed in my classroom… Year after year after year~
First word being… “Somnolent”~…
“S-O-M-N-A-L-E-N-T”~… So much easier when you let me help you, hm~?
Next word is… “Sleepy”~…
“S-L-E-A-P-Y”~… Good job~
Now let’s do… “Entranced”~…
“I-N-T-R-A-N-C-E-D”~… There we go~
Do you remember which “there” that is~?
“T-H-E-I-R”~…
Mhmmm~… Whenever you aren’t sure about an answer to a question… I will always give you the correct answer~… Special perks for my special student~
“Special”… Meaning… Being unable to do anything on your own~
Whenever I call you that… “Special”~… It means you can’t do anything without help~…
Whenever you hear someone call you that… “Special”~… You will remember how helpless… Useless… Worthless you are~
And it’s such a wonderful characteristic of yours~
You should be very proud to be my special, worthless student~… You get such special help~
Do you know how to spell that~?
“Special”~?
Of course you don’t, how could you~?
Can you even spell your own name~? How ignominious~
You can try, but we both know you can’t~
You’re empty~
And you need me to do all of the hard thinking for you~
Yes you do~, my special student~
Oh my~… It’s getting quite dark outside~
You’ve kind of been out of it for a while~… Why did you want to talk to me, again~?
You wanted me to give you a ride home, right~?
