NOTE: This file was completely improvised. The following is a transcript.

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Baby?

Baby, where are you?

Hey.

What are you doing out here?

What are you doing on the couch?

Why aren’t you in bed?

What?

No, I don’t have anything to tell you.

I feel like everything’s been great.

What’s.

What’s wrong?

Yeah, no, I…

If there’s something you want to talk about, you can just talk about it instead of trying to manipulate it out of me.

What’s going on?

Baby?

Hey, have you been up all night?

Did you sleep at all?

Baby, why’d you do that?

What?

Couldn’t sleep next to me?

What?

What’s going on?

Baby, seriously, tell me what’s going on?

What’s going on?

No, I mean it.

I. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

What?

Wait, no, go back.

You did what?

Baby I thought we trusted each other.

And I have no secrets from you.

You know my passcode.

You go on my phone all the time.

Why did you feel the need to sneak on when I was sleeping?

Baby, it’s like, textbook, unhealthy relationship shit.

Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me?

You just.

Okay.

Intuition.

Okay, well, what did you see that you didn’t like so much?

I.

You’re allowed on my phone.

I’ve never hidden anything from you.

What?

Okay.

And it’s just porn, basically, you telling me you don’t look at porn?

I know you look at porn.

Baby, the amount of times I’ve walked in and you were being a little gooner in our bed…

I know what you get up to.

Are you being…

Are you saying I can’t…

It’s kind of a double standard.

I don’t know. I guess they don’t really feel like people when it’s online, just, you know, like they’re just pixels that are there for me to get off on.

Like, it’s no different from porn, baby, really.

Okay, do you want me to stop?

I can.

I can stop.

It’s no problem.

Does that mean you’re gonna stop?

Okay.

Well, I guess, to be completely honest, I’ve been feeling a little…

I guess I let some resentment build.

I guess I felt like…

I guess a bit of a hypocrite for feeling hurt that you, I don’t know, got off to, you know, on your own so much.

We haven’t done anything in a long time, and I know that that’s not the most important aspect of a relationship.

You know, I love you for more than your body.

I do.

I. I guess I have been feeling a little bit like.

There isn’t equal effort in this relationship.

You know, it takes two.

You know, we both need to be putting in effort into this.

It can’t just be one or the other.

And I’ve been trying to get all close and intimate with you.

Well, I don’t have a libido all the time.

I guess neither of us can control it when our libidos don’t match up.

I’m sorry, I.

Anyway, as I was saying.

Yeah, I guess I’m feeling a little bitter.

I guess I’m just kind of burned out a little.

I mean, I’m the only one who works.

I make dinner most days.

I pay all the rent and bills.

I’m not trying to lord these over you, I swear.

I just.

I guess I can’t control how I’m feeling.

And, you know, all feelings are valid.

Feelings are information.

What you do with your feelings, you know, is the important part.

And I guess I just.

I’ve been trying to work through these feelings before bringing them up with you because I didn’t know what would be appropriate to say to you or not.

Yeah.

Yeah, my therapist said that it sounds like our relationship is really good and healthy, actually.

Yeah, she said she was…

She said I seemed really self aware and that I obviously care a lot about you, which I do.

So much.

And I don’t mind taking care of you, I guess.

I don’t know.

There are probably other ways to express love.

And maybe our love languages just aren’t compatible.

But I’m willing to work on that.

I. I’ll do whatever you need.

I.

Why didn’t you just tell me?

Why did you feel the need to go through my phone?

I’ve never hidden it from you.

I just don’t understand.

What do you mean?

We go outside all the time on our little walks together.

We go to the store.

We go on our dates.

Come on.

I’ve never tried to keep you inside.

Yeah, be my guest.

Go outside.

I don’t…

I’ll miss you, obviously, but I’m not gonna try to stop you.

I guess I just assumed that you didn’t want to.

Sorry.

Guess I should have communicated that better.

I mean, I’ve never felt the need to make any other friends.

I don’t know.

I feel really content.

You’re all I need.

But if, you know, you feel like it’s necessary, I’m not gonna stop you.

I never have.

Never will.

Baby.

Yeah?

Sorry, sorry, I know.

I know we veered from the topic.

So what do you wanna know?

What do you wanna know?

Ask.

Ask away.

I’m assuming you’ve seen everything there is to see.

I don’t really know which parts of it you believe are like the bad parts, so I. I’m struggling to understand what you want me to come clean about.

I guess.

Would you please just tell me which parts upset you and we can talk about it?

Communication goes both ways.

You know, we both…

Like I said, we both gotta be contributing to this relationship.

It is a two way street.

You know, If I kiss you, you gotta kiss me back, right?

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, you’re really upset.

Okay.

Okay.

So what was it?

Yeah, you’re following me on Twitter.

You know I’m not hiding anything.

That account.

Yeah, I.

Okay.

Yeah, I.

Like I said, I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings or spring them on you before I had fully processed them.

I’ve just been going through a lot.

Work is really stressful, you know.

I mean.

No, that’s not an excuse.

I guess I’m just explaining where my mind was at.

I.

You know, I work.

You know, they’re supposed to be 12 hour shifts, but then they turn into doubles and then triples.

You know, I. I know it sucks.

I know.

I know I try to stand up for myself, but, like, they just need me.

And it also, you know, makes money for us.

And sometimes I do feel a little stressed about money.

Um, and then I get home, I’m exhausted and.

And then when I come home to find you’ve just been laying in bed all day.

I don’t know.

I don’t have the energy or the mood to do anything but go to sleep.

Um, but I don’t want you to go hungry.

So make dinner and do the dishes.

Anyway.

Anyway, I…

So you saw that, huh?

Yeah.

Basically what I’m trying to say is I guess it’s a low effort form of stress relief.

And I do have needs too.

I just don’t always have the energy to rail you into next Tuesday.

Well, sometimes it’s when I am getting ready in the bathroom and getting ready for work and you’re still sleeping.

Or sometimes it’s.

Sometimes I don’t really get any sleep.

And I know that’s really horrible, but I guess my schedule at work has thrown me off for such a long time.

I don’t remember the last time I got a regular night sleep schedule.

I guess.

You know, it’s actually kind of relieving to get to talk to you about all this.

Kind of get it off my chest.

I. I guess even though it started off with a breach of my trust.

I guess I’m thankful that you forced this conversation to happen.

It needed to happen.

And, yeah, you’re right.

You’re right.

What?

I’m still struggling to understand why what I did was wrong.

But if it hurt you, it hurt you.

You know that’s…

I can’t change or control that.

If it hurt you, then I’m sorry.

And I’ll do better.

I promise.

Mm.

Can I please have a hug?

Okay.

Are we gonna be okay?

What, baby?

Are you gonna say something that’s gonna break my heart?

I don’t…

I don’t understand.

Baby, baby, we haven’t even gotten the chance to go to couples therapy yet.

Give us a chance.

Baby, baby, baby, please.

I promise I won’t do it.

I won’t.

I won’t do it again.

I won’t.

And.

What can I do?

Baby, baby, you can’t just bring this up on me like this.

This is the first.

We’re finally communicating, and you’re not even gonna let me have a chance to change my behavior?

That’s not fair, baby.

Okay, so what’s your plan?

Where are you gonna go?

You don’t have a job, baby.

You haven’t had a job in two years.

And everything in savings is mine.

Every dollar has come from my account.

And if, you know, we’re not partners anymore, I don’t technically owe you a single cent.

I don’t know.

If you break up with me, I’m not entitled to you anymore.

It’s you choosing to end this.

I really thought we were good.

I thought.

I thought we’d been working on things.

I thought.

I thought you were happy.

I thought that…

I thought it was helping by letting you relax and recover from your burnout.

And, yeah, I was a little bitter, but I was.

I was gonna get over it.

I knew it was silly.

Just give me a month.

[To] change your mind.

Or at least try couples therapy with me.

Yeah, I wasn’t ready then, but I am very much ready now.

I am ready to work on this.

I.

Baby, I don’t think you understand what you’re trying to do right now.

Your family lives on the other side of the country.

How do you plan on getting there without any money?

I mean, I’ll always love you.

I’ll always care about you.

I would love to just pay for you to go back.

I don’t know…

It feels a little unfair, using my money to break up with me… Get away from me.

I really wish you told me sooner so we could talk about this instead of letting it build up until it was.

Is it really too late?

I promise.

Promise, baby, I promise.

Can I touch you?

Okay, that’s fine.

That’s fine.

I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

And I’ll delete all my accounts and you can monitor my phone 247 you.

I promise.

I have no urge to do anything.

I just want you.

Baby.

Baby, look at me.

Look at me.

Hey.

This may be a rough patch right now, but haven’t we been so good?

Three years, baby.

You just want to throw all of that away after everything that we’ve been through?

Baby, baby, you know that I’m going through so much right now and I can’t lose you too.

Baby, my family is all disowning me right now and…

And if I don’t…

If I don’t even have you, I don’t have anything left in this world to keep me here.

Baby, please.

Please, baby, please just think about this.

Baby.

Oh, baby.

Baby, please, baby.

Okay, okay.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

Okay.

I’m not fine.

I just love you so much.

I don’t want to lose you.

I.

Will you please just give me one more chance?

I will show you how much I love you.

I will show you how good things were supposed to be if we just talked about this to begin with.

Now that we’ve talked about it, I feel rejuvenated.

I feel…

I don’t know, I feel a renewed, strong loyalty to you.

I guess communication does make you closer, huh?

Yeah, I. Yeah, I felt it too.

We…

We have been missing something for a long time.

Yeah, I guess I was kind of feeling like you were pulling away from me.

So what, did you just fall out of love with me?

(Scoff) Right.

I don’t know.

If you do still love me, I don’t understand why you want to break up.

I don’t want to break up.

I want to be with you for the rest of our lives.

I want.

I wanna grow old together and be happy and raise our little kitty.

I.

Look, he’s gonna miss you a lot if you go.

You really want to break up this family?

Yeah.

No, I know.

Sorry.

That wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t.

It wasn’t fair.

I know, I know.

I know.

This isn’t fair.

It’s not fair to me for you to bring this up without talking to me about it.

How long have you been feeling this way?

So if you didn’t look through my phone, everything would be fine?

Everything would be how it was yesterday?

I. I won’t lie.

I don’t want to lie to you anymore.

I want to be honest and communicate even the hard things.

So I will be honest and say that I feel hurt that you felt the need to look through my phone.

I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel like you needed to.

I’m sorry that what you saw hurt you.

And I really didn’t mean for it to hurt you.

I didn’t think it would hurt you.

I thought that what I was doing was just like, harmless fun.

Stress relief.

I’ve done it forever.

You saw the age of that account, right?

I’ve been using it forever.

I guess it’s just an old habit that’s hard to kick.

I think I might have a porn addiction, but I’m willing to work through it.

And I don’t know, I guess it’s just.

It’s different.

It’s because it’s so different from real life.

You know, it’s, like, meant to stimulate the brain and, like, I don’t know, you know, the kind of stuff I’m into.

Maybe it really did brainwash me, but it can be undone.

Just gotta work through it, you know, I’ll find some program and you can monitor my progress, make sure that I’m being held accountable.

And I just don’t want to throw away three years for one bad night.

Okay.

Yeah, I. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, I’ve been using that account…

I mean, sometimes I go on long breaks without using it.

I think I’m, like, done with it because, you know, I’m so happy with you.

And I guess sometimes I just relapse.

I didn’t really realize what it was until now.

Yeah, I’ve been addicted to it for a long time.

And you get to experience so many things that you’ve never gotten to experience before.

You know, different types of people or things or tropes or concepts that can’t exist in real life.

Like, I feel like it’s healthy to get to explore that kind of stuff.

Like, obviously, I’m not gonna actually atticwife you.

Obviously, I let you go outside.

So, like, on some level, like, some porn is important to consume.

Get those fantasies and urges tended to.

I guess I do worry a little bit that if I did quit cold turkey, I would become a worse partner.

I feel like I’d be a lot more cranky with you because, like I said, it’s stress relief and I’d probably have a weaker grip on my desires.

I don’t want to hurt you.

The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you.

I’ve been working so hard on trying to keep this from affecting our relationship, and in the course of one night, it ruined the whole thing.

I really don’t want this to be it.

Remember back when we first got together and neither of us had our own place yet?

So I would just drive to your city and you’d direct me and we’d drive around until we could find a place to pull over and…

Yeah, those were fun times.

We’ve had some really fun times.

I’ll forever be smug that I was you first.

Is that what this really…

Is that what this is really about?

You don’t want to be tied down to the first person you fucked?

Want to go explore and see what else there is to offer?

Which is fine.

I just.

Full disclosure…

Like, if you ever decide to come crawling back, I’m going to say no if you do that.

I want to be with you.

I know that you want to be with me.

I want to be in a relationship where I feel wanted.

And I worry about you.

Even if you’re breaking my heart, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I want what’s best for you.

I want to be here for you forever.

And.

You’ve been through a lot, been going through a lot.

You…

I’ve liked being able to take care of you even in your lowest days.

I like knowing that I can be there to support you when you can’t get out of bed.

I kinda like walking in to you vibing in the bed and getting to join you and making you feel good and seeing your sleepy little smiles.

But I think I am a little unique in that regard, I think…

Okay, so when we were still in the early stages, maybe a few months in, I…

Was actually considering breaking up with you.

And one of my friends basically talked me back into understanding your situation and making me realize that any hardship is worth going through to be with you. And that I would be willing to do anything.

Weather through anything.

I think most people would have broken up with you at that point, or, I guess, when we first moved out here, and um, like, don’t get me wrong, I loved taking care of you when you were in physical therapy.

But not everyone is, um, willing to do that?

I know, it’s shitty, but I think, at least for me, I tend to underestimate how shitty most people are until I’m single and I’m trying to get out there and date and…

And then I just miss what I lost.

And I know there’s like, Graduation Goggles, hindsight, all that… Stuff…

But I truly believe you are the one for me.

I don’t want to go back to…

I don’t want to start all over again.

I don’t want you to start all over again.

I already got you that ring…

And you had one for me too, right?

Yeah, I um, it wasn’t hidden very well.

That was really endearing.

I don’t think I could ever do this again, if we broke up.

I just want you.

I will do anything to make you stay.

Anything you want.

Do you really love me?

Or are you just saying that to let me down easy?

You love me?

Then why do you want to break up?

One month.

Please.

One month is all we need.

I’ll show you.

I’m gonna make you the happiest person in the world.

I’ll… We can watch all those shows you like…

I can let you be the little spoon.

I say that dramatically, but it’s no hardship.

I’d be willing to do anything for you.

I swear it.

Baby.

I mean it.

Anything.

Just say it.

Mhm.

I’m devoted to you, no one else.

No pixels on my phone.

Obviously nothing like that can compare to a real person, to you.

I like taking care of you.

I like holding you.

I like knowing you’re gonna be home everyday when I return from work.

I love knowing that you can be happy and relax here.

And not worry about your shitty family, or moving back to that shitty red state, or working, or cooking, or cleaning.

I just want to take care of it all for you.

And now that we’ve talked about this, there won’t be any resentment to grow.

Because I’ll do it knowing that it’ll let me keep you in my life.

You are the most important person in my life.

I love you. I.

I don’t know what I would do without you, I.

I’d just be coasting through life on autopilot, not really thinking, just working and sleeping and working and sleeping and..

I promise I’ll get my shit together someday.

Just. No. I’ll.

Give me a month.

Give me a month.

I’m going to start with one of those, you know, like, addiction programs, and we’ll install, like, what, child safety things on my phone?

Yeah, they take screenshots, like, every, seven seconds, we can lower that too, I literally couldn’t hide anything from you.

Because I don’t want to hide anything from you.

You’ve seen the worst of me now.

And I think I’ve seen the worst of you.

And I not only accept you, I.

I love you for it, I love all your little quirks.

Everyone needs someone like that.

Who will love them unconditionally.

Despite all of their struggles.

Everyone struggles with something.

And I’ll continue to struggle and so will you, we’ll run into more roadblocks along the way, and we’ll work through them.

We’ll talk about it, like this, and it’ll be…

It’ll make me a cry mess, but.

It’s also really relieving.

It’s important to talk to each other, before just giving up.

Okay?

Couple’s therapy was your idea, so let’s go to at least one session before we call anything off.

Three years, baby.

Okay?

Okay.

Come on.

You wanna go take a shower together?

Uh huh, it’s been a while since we’ve done that.

Kinda feels like we’re doing everything for the first time again.

It’s like rediscovering you.

Falling in love with you all over again.

You make me so happy.

I’ll do whatever you need me to do.

I don’t deserve you, but, if you’ll let me try, I wanna earn you, okay?

Okay.

Let’s go.