L: I’ve reviewed the data. This human is a fascinating subject. His species is so… strange.

S: Yes, the humans are a curious case. So prone to emotional vulnerability and strange whims, especially when it comes to matters of the body, But that’s what makes them so interesting to study.

L: Have you had time to prepare the neuro-disruptor yet?

S: No, the ship got here to fast, we will need to use more primitive methods

 

L: Shush, the human is waking up

S: Why does that matter? It won’t make a difference if it hears us

L: We want to make a good impression! It will cooperate better if it likes us

S: We have means to make it co-operate anyway…

L: Look, it’s confused now. I’m making it your job to explain seeing as you woke it up.

S: Hey! That’s not fair, you were talking too.

L: Just do it.

S: Fine.

S: Hello there human! It’s very nice to meet you, I’m sure you must be confused, but don’t worry, we are here to learn more about your world and biology. We mean no harm, do not be afraid. We wouldn’t have made an effort to learn your language if we wanted to annihilate you~

L: That’s right, we won’t hurt you, but you also cannot leave until we have completed our tests, it isn’t easy to get a hold of your species, you know…

S: so just lay still for us, it won’t take too long, we already know a lot about your species, we have been monitoring earth from afar and there are just a few things we need to explore more up-close…namely the human body and reproduction

L: It’s rather curious, you don’t seem to follow the biological rules of the rest of the universe… We have made our assumptions of course! You see, most of the rest of us simply put our te- (cut off)

S: y-you don’t need to talk about that! [you can do this as either embarrassed or kinda angry] You’ll skew the results. We just need to make our observations and record our findings. Nothing more. 

S: This is about them, not us.

L: I apologise, how unprofessional of me. 

L: Human! Demonstrate reproduction. Right now, I need to take notes.

S: It’s…It’s not doing anything

L: maybe it reproduces through mitosis….that would explain a few things

S: I don’t think so, why would they have so many orifices if they didnt use at least a few of them for reproduction?

L: You’re right. Human! We insist you show us reproduction immediately! If you refuse to comply we will be forced to implement…harsher strategies.

(buzzsaw sfx)

S: You know…we could try to use that human compliance measure. It seems to be rather effective in promoting unending obedience

L: Which one are you talking about?
S: uhh… what do they call it… Hypogness? Heeponyis?..heepnoesees! Yes. heepnosees.
L: ah yes! A rather impressive tool, I have to say. Incredible that such a primitive species managed to create a mind-control weapon that even the Trozands would be jealous of. 

Both: (laugh)

L: Ok, we can try it. Go stand next to them so they can hear properly, i’ll follow your lead on this one, you are the expert on human war tactics after all.
S: seems like you get to be a double experiment, human! I’ve always wanted to try this on a REAL human, the hologram replicas are getting so boring and predictable 

 

(SFX: start the pan for sammys to L)

 

S: So first I’m going to get you to take a few deep breaths in and out… humans are very experienced with breathing, so it’s a good place to start… You will also need to get into a comfortable position. Feel free to sit, or lay down, or (checks clipboard) hover? Yes. hover if that’s the most comfortable.

S: Then we are going to get you to start relaxing, you can un-contract your muscles starting with your cranium, the bit that has your brain. Relax your mouth and your cheeks, your eyebrows and most importantly your eyeballs.

L: They can’t relax their eyeballs! I thought you were supposed to be the expert on this

S: Why not? They should be able to relax all the moving bits. What’s the point of having muscles you can’t control?

L: Humans are strange, we already established this, let me have a go at it

(SFX: start pan loops, R)

L: Continue relaxing your head, moving that relaxation down to your connective cylinder,  shoulders, and arms, rippling through your muscles as it travels down to your hands, your fingers, and your fingernails.

S: I dont think thats right either…nails are like…bones or something

L: Ugh, humans are so hard… What kind of species can’t relax their bones?

S: you should just leave this to me. Hey human, it’s ok you can just listen to me, I know what I’m doing here. Just keep breathing and relaxing…

L: You can’t claim to know what you’re doing if you think humans can just relax their eyeballs, it should listen to me instead, hear that human? Just listen to me and let all the muscles you have…whichever ones those are, just release

S: No, you need to be specific! Feel your chest muscles become more comfortable as you continue to let that relaxing feeling ripple down…

 

Loops:

You can just tense and release all those muscles, it matters not which ones, it will all relax you further. Focus on that heavy feeling that’s pulling you down, as if the artificial gravity field has been calibrated for the As’ods. Focus on that. Focus on me, Zanniz doesn’t know how to do this, but i’ve read a book! I know how to do heepnosees, you will be under my control soon enough, then i will be able to start the experiments, Commander is going to be so pleased with the progress. Look at you, getting taken down by your own species manipulation tactics, its funny that humans are supposed to be a hardened, war mongering species but all it takes is some language chunks spoken closely to your sound inputs to control you, but thats all the better for us, for now you are REALLY listening, and we will use that to find out all your reproductive secrets, you will finally follow our commands and all you have to do is just relax.

Relax whatever you are able to relax. Everything within your body that you can sense and control… Seize control of it all… All at once, or one at a time… And imagine it all as… Something soft. All of your muscles, becoming light and airy like puffy clouds, and all of your bones, becoming heavy pockets of jelly. You can clearly envision all of these things, and therefore, you can sense it within your own body. Just a few words are enough for your brain to actualize it, convincing itself that your body is indeed what it imagines it to be. 

Now, what happens when I tune up artificial gravity… Your puffy cloud muscles are unaffected by the pull, but your gelatinous bones feel heavier… Flatter against the examination table… Making you feel completely out of control of your own body… Floating, yet sinking… Separated… Ununified… Conflicted… And vulnerable.

I didn’t actually change the gravitational tuning, but you were still able to imagine and sense it as if I did. And that is both the power, and the weakness of the human mind. Your brain is capable of shaping your reality, but that can easily be used against you. At least, that is the goal. It should be terrifying that you humans came up with such an ability to manipulate each other, but it is just as easy to manipulate yourself, whether you mean to or not. With this technique, you will willingly comply… Not because of the threat of extreme measures, but because you want to. You want to obey us. You want to cooperate with us. You want to help us. You want to do as we say. You want to show us everything we want to see. You want to let us examine your body. It is human nature to respond to authority. So when I speak to you with authority, you know that what I am saying is true, and you have no choice but to comply.

Interesting~! (Clipboard scribbles) Helplessness… Promotes… Arousal…

 

Sammys: Continue to relax your legs… although you only have 2 of them, it should still be enough, the muscles there are big, so I’m sure the relaxation will be so much more effective. 

You can start small, with your… Feet fingers…? You look a bit tense, a bit stiff… Make your feet fingers straight… Spread them out, they still seem a bit contracted… It’s okay, you don’t have to be scared… Like we said, we don’t want to hurt you. We’re not even going to touch you. 

As long as you cooperate, there will be no need for an invasive biopsy.

I see…. 

(SFX Clipboard scribbles)

 So your feet fingers are much smaller than your hand fingers… And they are fixed… Interesting… Well, just make sure they’re relaxed, okay?

Relax your feet… Relax your feet joints… They don’t have to be completely still or limp, just think about what it’s like after you’ve had a long, exhausting rotation full of sport, and you finally have the chance to let them rest.

That’s 25% of the bones in your body. By that logic, you should already feel somewhat relaxed. And it should be easy to continue that momentum of relaxation up further, through your legs.

Such large muscles… I see… And since they are all connected, I hypothesize that it will be simple for the relaxation to spread… First, from your feet to your lower legs… Then to the joint in the middle of the leg… I believe it is called the patella in this language? And then from there, the relaxation should easily ripple up through the top halves of your legs. Yes… 

Try tensing all of those leg and feet muscles for me… I see… 

(SFX Clipboard scribbles) 

You can let go now. 

(SFX Clipboard scribbles)

Humans… Are… Weaker… Than… Anticipated..

Now try lifting your legs. No, just your legs. I see. Lactic acid build-up in the scans indicates that this is producing some strain in your leg muscles. Tell me, human, do your legs burn while you lift them like this? Do they feel fatigued? Heavy? They appear to be shaking. Does this pain promote any feelings of arousal? Yes or no. I see. You can let them rest now. 

 

S: Can you still move your other legs? The ones with your hands? 

L: … Arms. They’re called… Arms.

S: …I understand that these are the appendages that humans use for more precise actions… To grasp… To touch… To move objects, and such… Show us, human. Lift up your appendages so we can ensure that they remain functional enough to conduct our experiment. 

L: Smack your hands together

S: Wow, very compliant… 

(BOTH GIGGLE) 

S: It appears the heepnosees was effective~

L: Now show us, human! Reproduce for us. 

(wait a beat)

L: It seems we are going to have to be more specific in our instructions to seek out the means of reproduction, The human seems rather….brainless right now.

S; Human! We must start the experiment. You will need to….touch your neck. Yes, do that. In my research i’ve read that the human neck is quite sensitive, sensitivity is usually the mark of it being connected to reproduction.

L: Are you sure it won’t just hurt the subject? My research has indicated that larger nerve clusters produce pain for them.

S: Well, they say that pain and pleasure are related… But there is only one way to find out. We would be remiss to not be thorough.

L: Human, touch your neck lightly with your fingers.

S: Be sure to report to us exactly how it feels each time we instruct you to do something.

L: Does it hurt?

S: Does it feel good?

L: Fascinating.

1. A slight incline in breathing and cardiac activity.

L: Human, point to us, which part of your body is utilized for reproduction? I think that’s the better question.

S: … Interesting… I thought humans only had 4 appendages…

L: Oh, I think this one is a male. I believe this appendage is called a pennees.

S: I see. And is this where you spawn your offspring? It looks more like a strange weapon than something that creates life… 

L: Human! You’re not planning anything suspicious, are you?
S: I think it is far too brainless to be thinking about anything like that right now. Let’s just proceed… With caution…

L: Just in case… Allow me to tune up the gravity so the human cannot do more than what is necessary for our purposes.

S: Good idea,Xanthea.

L: Sink, human… Relax… Just obey, okay? If I tune it any higher, you may perish… And we don’t want that.

S: No we do not. 

L: Now, it may be a little difficult to move at first, but we’re going to start small.

S: That sounds reasonable. Let’s collect some baseline data for penneess sensitivity. Human, just touch your smaller appendage… Your penneess… And tell us where it feels the most sensitive.

L: (Mhms and clipboard scribbling SFX)

S: Human, why is your appendage… Changing? It appears to be growing… And tensing…

L: I believe this is due to increased blood flow… That could either be due to pain and swelling, or…

BOTH: Pleasure.

S: Which is it, human? Does it feel good to touch yourself there?

L: So sensitivity and reproduction are linked… This is very useful.

S: Ok human… Now why don’t you, um… Pinch it. Squeeze some skin in between some fingers. On the side of the shaft… Ok, now the tip… How does that feel? Ok.. (Clipboard scribbles) Good.

L: Now try pinching more than just skin. Squeeze the shaft in between your fingers. A little harder now…

S: Ah! It moved! Why did it twitch like that?

L: It must be increased blood flow. Human, does that mean pinching and squeezing is pleasurable for you? (Hmms and clipboard scribbling)

S: That part down there is moving too… That… Round part at the bottom…

L: I think those are called the testiclees. I’m not sure what function they serve, though. 

S: Human, do you use these testiclees? Or is this one of those “lumps” that we need to remove? 

L: Calm down human, calm down… I see… So this is where your genetic material is stored? 

S: Very strange… Such a vulnerable spot… You’d think they’d want to protect it better than that..

L: I wonder… Since sensitivity and reproduction are linked… These must be very sensitive~

S: Well, human, go on. Touch them. How does that feel? Try pinching them as well. I see… (Clipboard) Testiclees… Are… Very… Sensitive. Good to know.

L: I’ve been curious… How do you use this genetic material, human? How do you get it.. Out?

S: Well, I think it’s obvious, Xanthea. The logical conclusion for the link between sensitivity and reproduction is… 

L: I see!

S: Yes.

L: Human. We’re going to need you to stimulate your sensitive bits. 

S: You’ll have to do it yourself, since we are not permitted to touch you ourselves. We are going to observe you very closely.

L: You are going to cooperate with us, won’t you?

S: It should be enjoyable for the human to incite pleasure… Of course it will~

 

L: I hypothesize that the more intense the stimulation is, the better our result will be.

S: I agree. Human. Do exactly as we say, okay?

L: Our priority is to do whatever is necessary to procure a sample of your genetic material. 

S: And therefore, it is our priority to make you feel… Pleasurable.

L: I’m sure that is rather agreeable. It is human nature to respond to authority. So when we speak to you with authority, you know that what we are saying is true, and you have no choice but to comply.

S: There isn’t really any other alternative at this point. The human is doing exactly as it should. Look. Its fifth appendage is… Defying gravity~!

L: Looks like the human’s pennees has already begun the process. It is much too full and firm to change course now.

S: Human, does it feel more sensitive in this state? (Clipboard scribbles) Good~

L: Remember… We need intense stimulation. 

S: Yes. Human. Slap your pennees. That should be a sufficient amount of stimulation. … Oh~ (Scribbles) I see~

L: Maybe we need to start small, and work our way up. Just rub it for now. Gently.. Unless you actually do find the pain to be pleasurable…

S: Yes, just show us what feels pleasurable to you, Human. We are here to learn from you. 

L: Keep going… Don’t stop until we say you can.

S: You must follow our instructions precisely, so we can achieve optimal results.

 

L: I see… So that is how you humans do it… (Scribbles)

S: I sense that you are holding something back… Please, perform this ritual as if we aren’t even here. We need pure, raw, unaltered data. Keep it as natural and normal as possible. Any.. Noises… Secretions… or EM waves… You can let them all out. Don’t hold back. This is a secure facility. 

L: Anything and everything.

S: Again, we are merely objective observers

L: … But also the leaders

S: Correct.

L: Human, you still seem a bit awkward… Do you need to use your other hand?

S: Why would it possibly need two hands to stimulate one small appendage?

L: Don’t make any assumptions, Zanniz, you need to have an open mind to learn anything. 

S: My apologies, my apologies… Humans are so incredibly odd… (Scribbles)

L: Human. You may use both of your hands to stimulate yourself. Let’s try a few different options for.. Research purposes… First, I want you to try holding and squishing it between both of your palms… And rub it that way…

(Scribbles)

S: Ooo, now use one to hold the tip in a claw-grip… And tug… While your other hand cradles the testiclees like a bag of marbles.

(Both mming and ahhing, scribbles)

L: How far can you stretch it, human? What about the testiclees? Pull them out as far as you can…

S: Huh… (Scribbles)

L: Here’s a thought – I recall reading that the areolas are rather sensitive… How about you keep one hand on the testiclees and place the other on one of your nipplees? 

S: I thought those were useless structures for the males of this species?

L: Well if the males have them too then we must research further

S: That is a fair assessment. It couldn’t hurt to at least test it.

L: Unless it does hurt the human… 

(BOTH Giggle)

S: Ok human, place your hand on the other nipple now…. Is one more sensitive than the other? 

(Both hmming and scribbling)

L: Now take your hand off of your testiclees and touch your pennees instead, while you touch that nipple… Ok, and now the other nipple…

S: Was there any particular combination that felt the most pleasurable or reproductive to you?

L: Do humans even have that sense?

S: I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.

L: It looks rather confused to me…

S: Maybe that’s just the heepnosees… Or the arousal. Tell me, human, does arousal make your species.. Less intelligent? Do you feel confused or foggy-brained at all?

L: And is it temporary or permanent intelligence reduction?

S: I think it does not know…

L: It seems as though once they begin the process of reproduction, they cannot focus on much else. Perhaps this will fade after it gets the genetic material out.

S: How evolutionarily sound.

(Scribbles)

L: Okay, human, now I would like you to place both of your hands on your areolas. Just touch them. 

S: I see, so those get firmer too. They must be related to the reproductive process. 

L: Pinch them, human.

S: Harder.

L: Twist them.

S: Harder.

L: Rub them.

S: Harder.

L: Flick them.

 

S: Dance for us, Human~

L: Try to take this seriously, Zanniz.

S: It is a little funny~

L: Funny looking~
S: Now that’s just mean… But true…

(Scribbles)

S: Oh, you can stop now, human.

L: Did you see that?

S: See what?
L: The Human’s pennees twitched again, but it wasn’t even touching it…

S: Human, you did not inform us that you could move this appendage at will… Do it again.

L: How peculiar… Now, what could be the reproductive purpose for this…?

S: I could imagine it being similar in nature to the reproductive protrusions of the Yin’ut species… How much control do you have over these movements, human?

L: Can you will it to grow longer? Wider? 

S: Can you bend it? Aim it? Point it Weest, over in my direction.

L: No, point it in my direction

S: Does it really matter?

L: … The human does not appear to have much control over its movements after all.

S: Perhaps it’s just too stiff right now.

L: Human, show us what you can make it do without touching it.

S: … That’s.. It? (Scribbles)

L: What exactly are the mechanics behind that? Are you… Clenching? Is it always voluntary, or can it happen without intending to?

(Both mms and ahhs, scribbles)

 

S: put your hands back on it again, that seemed to elicit the most reaction

L: the top of it looks different, does it provide a different function? Rub that bit

S: yes…that does seem a bit different, how does that feel human?
L: interesting…

L: do it more, such a strange reaction…

S: we need to see the *reproduction* though, human, show us the most effective way to achieve this.

(wait a beat)
L: yes…yes that seems right, look at its face, its enjoying this.

S: this definitely seems to be on the right track for our research.

L: Note down the exact movements its doing for further study

S: (talking/murmuring to yourself) appendages…wrapped around..…..movement…. Not painful…up and down… reaction…

(scribble SFX)

L: It just keeps doing the same thing though, do you think thats normal?
S: it must be, we commanded it to show us the most effective way to achieve reproduction

L: it…hasnt happened yet though

S: i wonder if speed or pressure makes a difference… Repeat that movement slower human……….no, slower than that…….good.
L: look at it struggling…
S: so incredibly fascinating

L: it seems almost…desperate for this
S: you’re right, almost like it NEEDS this, like it needs sustenance and hydration
L: Humans have so many needs, i’m surprised they can upkeep their own maintenance

S: At least this one seems highly enjoyable, i doubt they mind too much

L: it seems like it’s minding right now…what’s wrong human? Is this incorrect?
S: it almost seems frustrated
L: how can reproduction be frustrating? That would not be a viable evolutionary trait

S: we must be doing it wrong

L: try doing the opposite, that might work
S: human, ignore my previous command, go faster now.
L: even faster than when you started
S: yes…fast would make much more sense…it seems far more pleasing that way
L: It looks less frustrated now

S: It does, good thinking Xanthea

L: Zanniz, i think something is happening! Look how its breathing is changing, the respiratory rate is even more elevated.

(SFX clipboard scribbles)

S: Its ok human, let it happen naturally
L: you can show us
S: just like you do on earth

L: don’t let our presence bother you, we are just here to make sure everything happens as it should and to collect data

S: you are doing a great service to your species by doing this
L: Just keep doing that, yes just like that! Follow our commands, follow your pleasure.
S: Use more pressure human, not too much though, we have seen how delicate human flesh can be.

L: Yes, keep going, this is such valuable data

S: does it feel good human?

L: HOW good? Good enough to achieve reproduction?
S: we already established they can’t sense that, Xanthea
L: Surely they can at least a little bit! It MUST be close to happening, look at it! It seems so different now, its heart rate is fast, breathing heavier, squirming around even with the higher gravity field!

S: It does appear as though something is building

L: Surely it can sense that, if the human is anything like the majority of similar species it will feel the building pressure in the reproductive organs….
S: it’s even changing colour…its skin is going…pink, it must be heating up
L: …do you think it’s going to explode?

S: i would usually say no, but…with the way its heating up, and that friction…its possible

L: stand back Zanniz, we can observe from a distance

(PAN SFX BACK TO NORMAL)

L: go on human, We can see it’s happening, you won’t hurt us, we have protective shields

S: yes, yes…it’s ok, you can explode if you need to

L: Show us human! We want to see!

S: do it NOW human

L: Let it all out

S: Everything

(BOTH giggle)

S: Explode

L: you know what to do

S: perform reproduction

L: YES! 

Both: Do it NOW.

 

(SFX scribbling)

L: Projectile! I knew it was a weapon! 

S: We cannot keep this specimen aboard while our attention needs to be spent on processing the sample. It’ll have to wait back on the surface. Xanthea, go chip it for easy relocation.
L: Of course.
(pan closer L)

L: It’s ok human, you did such a good job for us. This research will be incredibly valuable, you can just relax now…this won’t take long…